Falling In Love

FALLING IN LOVE

From the book "Letters To My Son"

Kent Nerburn, Author

It is a mystery why we fall in love. It is a mystery how ithappens. It is a mystery when it comes. It is a mystery whysome love grows and it is a mystery why some love fails.

You can analyze this mystery and look for reasons andcauses, but you will never do anymore that take the life outof the experience. Just as life itself is more than the sum ofthe bones and muscles and electrical impulses in the body,love is more than the sum of the interests and attractionsand commonalities that two people share. And just as lifeitself is a gift that comes and goes in its own time, so too, thecoming of love must be taken as an unfathomable gift thatcannot be questioned in its ways.

Sometimes, hopefully at least once in your life - the gift oflove will come to you in full flower. Take hold of it andcelebrate it in all inexpressible beauty. This is the dream weall share. More often, it will come and take hold of you,celebrate you for a brief moment, then move on.

When this happen to young people, they too often try tograsp the love and hold it to them, refusing to see that it is agift that just as freely, moves away. When they fall out oflove, or the person they love feels the spirit of love leaving,they try desperately to reclaim the love that is lost ratherthan accepting the gift for what it was, then moving on.

They want answers where there are no answers. Theywant to know what is wrong in them that makes the otherperson no longer love them, or try to get their love to change,thinking that if some small things were different, love wouldbloom again. They blame their circumstances and say that ifthey go far away and start a new life, their love will grow.

They try anything to give meaning to what has happened. Butthere is no meaning beyond the love itself, and until theyaccept its own mysterious ways, they live in a sea of misery.You need to know this about love, and accept it. You need totreat what it brings you with kindness.

If you find yourself inlove with someone who does not love you, be gentle withyourself. There is nothing wrong with you. Love just didn'tchoose to rest in the other person's heart.If you find yourself someone in love with you but you don'tlove him back, feel honored that love came and called at yourdoor, but gently refuse the gift you cannot return. Do nottake advantage; do not cause pain. How you deal with loveis how you deal with yourself.

All our hearts feel the samepains and joys, even if our lives and ways are different.If you fall in love with another, and he falls in love with you,and then love chooses to leave, do not try to reclaim it nor toassess blame. Let it go. There is a reason and there is ameaning. You will know in time.

Remember that you don't choose love. Love chooses you. Allyou can really do is accept it for all its mystery when it comes into your life. Feel the way it fills you to overflowing,then reach out and give it away. Give it back to the personwho brought it alive in you. Give it to others who deem itpoor in spirit. Give it to the world around you Iin any way you can.There is where many lovers go wrong. Having been so longwithout love, they understand love only as a need. They see their hearts as empty places that will be filled by love, andthey begin to look at love as something that flows to themrather than from them.

The first blush of new love is filled to overflowing, but astheir love cools, they revert to seeing their love as a need.They cease to be someone who generates love and insteadbecome someone who seeks love. They forget that thesecret of love is that it is a gift, and that it can be made togrow only by giving it away.Remember this and keep it to your heart.

Love has its time, itsown season, its own reason for coming and going. You cannot bribe it or coerce it, or reason it into staying. You canonly embrace it when it arrives and give it away when itcomes to you. But if it chooses to leave from your heart orfrom the heart of your lover, there is nothing you can do and there is nothing you should do. Love always has been and always will be a mystery.

BE GLAD THAT IT CAME TO LIVE FOR A MOMENT IN YOUR LIFE.

If you keep you heart open, it will come again...